One of the most common, unknown territories we have in Tantra spaces is the beautiful, bold and unknown world of Tantric Temple Nights. I think there can be a lot of stigma around Temple Nights and a lot of that mostly stems around the fact that there are so many questions of what a “Tantric Temple” truly is and what they involve, so naturally there is a collective apprehension. We often find that many people feel too scared to partake in Tantric Temples out of the fear of jumping into the courageous unknown and stepping out of their comfort zones. So, that is why I thought I would share a little bit about by own experience in running and attending temple nights and all the beautiful gradients in between. For many of you, you may have questions like:
- What happens during a temple night?
- What is the flow of the evening like?
- Are people just having sex all night? is it just a big orgy?
- What flavours of sex are present?
- Is everybody just naked?
- Do you have to partner up with someone?
- What if I feel unsafe at any point?
- What even is a temple night? What isn’t it? How do I prepare for it?
- Who should I go with? Can I go alone?
- What do I even wear?
And hey, I get it, there can be a lot of variables to think about with all these common questions floating around for many of my clients and fellow Tantra loving peers, so I thought I would take some time to address any and all questions, ideas, and/or concerns you may have about a Tantric Temple night and share my first-hand love and experience of them. To help you feel more grounded in the space of a Tantric Temple, let’s get started on all the things you need to know to feel most prepared and empowered for attending your next Temple Night!
A Temple Night in its purest form (to me) is a journey – it is a space to discover and explore what your authentic sexuality is, and how it expresses itself in a space of safety and sacredness. We call the space a “Temple”, because the approach and intention we bring to it is one of devotion and reverence to ourselves and each other, and to the divine beauty of life and the human experience. And like all journeys, as the night evolves so do we!
The Temple Night flow
There are usually 5 main parts of a Tantric Temple night and these examples are tailored authentically to either the monthly themes / intentions that I know my clients or participants are currently working on to assist whoever is attending to connect deeper.
Most Temple Nights vary and are slightly similar with a couple of different variables depending on your facilitator, their preferences and experiences however, here is an outline of the Temple spaces I run to give you some more insight into the process of a Tantric Temple.
1. Opening circle
The event starts with an opening sharing circle, and the setting of boundaries and agreements to create a container of safety for everyone. As facilitators we will approach the emotional need that is most present in the group and adapt our connection practices and the night accordingly to create unit cohesion, which allows the group to feel safe to be held in all the colours of vulnerability, empathy and authenticity.
2. Tantric Embodiment Workshop
Conscious dance, eye gazing, conscious touch
We then move into a Tantric Embodiment workshop, with some powerful connection practices to meet others in the space, and then some fundamental tantric exercises with energy and optional touch, in pairs and groups.
Conscious dance
We indulge and deep dive into somatic embodiment movement to help the needs of the physical body through music and tantric breathwork practices to consciously raise our kundalini, sexual energy and to shake out any anxiety or nerves.
Eye gazing
This is where you gaze into another’s eyes, without needing to smile, talk or fidget. You can do this activity with a partner or with yourself in a mirror. In this space we are inviting people to see the part of another person that is innocent and see into this person as a soul who longs for connection and intimacy.
Conscious touch
We first work with couples then in a group and explore conscious touch as one person lays down – the attention is all around allowing yourself to truly give and receive, all whilst exploring different types of touch, like energetic touch and reiki, elemental touch moving like water, fire, earth, air and conscious touch orientated around stating desires and boundaries.
3. Boundaries and Consent Workshop
This is the part of the night where we workshop consent and boundaries created from the acronym R.B.D.S.M.A. which is derived from the international school of temple arts a.k.a ISTA. We use this acronym to guide comprehensive boundaries and content discussion, before Tantric and ritual or erotic plays/scenes.
R: Relationship status – What is your relationship status?
B: Boundaries – What are your boundaries?
D: Desires – What are your current desires in this moment, this evening, what do you seek, what do you crave etc.?
S: Sexual heath history – Are you positive for any STI’s or STD’s? When was the last time you were tested? If so do you have proof?
M: Meaning – What’s the meaning of this ritual to you? Are you looking for a partnership, one time connection, ongoing exploration? What is your intention?
A: Aftercare – What would you like to receive for aftercare? A check in? A text message after the event? A hug? Space?
This R.B.D.S.M.A conversation is encouraged to happen every time a new person joins the couple or pair in the temple space, this conversation will happen again and again a new people joins.
After this consent workshop, there is a small 30 min break to change into your clothes for the temple play time and to get some food. We feed you snacks during the night but in case you were wanting a little bit of something more substantial we suggest bringing your own dinner or purchasing something nearby during the break.
4. Temple freeplay time (2-3 hours)
After a break, around 8pm-10pm we then move into the temple space, which is a free space to connect with others and also to spend time observing, meditating, dancing or in self-reflection if you choose. This space is clothing-optional with permission to connect physical or sexually with consent.
Through the whole event, our emphasis is to take it as a powerful opportunity to explore and discover more about your authentic sexuality and what emerges in a space of true non-judgment and freedom of expression. It is designed to be a space of great love and joy, and where you may become aware of blocks, fears or limitations you’ve held within.
The space is set up with mattresses on the floor, spaces to dance, an emotional support corner, a wall to sit back and observe and a couple of massage tables for Tantric Massage. The space is a safe container, the choice to how involved you get is entirely up to you. You could even be resting the whole night, you could be cuddling, chatting, dancing, exchanging energy, eye gazing, exchanging in sexual touch, giving or receiving half clothed massages or you could be engaging in oral and/or penetrative sex in a pair or partaking in an orgy or simply self-pleasuring pleasuring. Throughout the Temple Night we provide condoms, lube, antibacterial wipes, gloves, towels, sarongs.
5. Closing circle
After our time of curious touch and consensual play, we end the night in a closing circle so people can share what they need for integration, and feel heard and seen in their experience. After the workshop an email and or voice message will be sent by the facilitators to check in for the days after the experience, to help integrate all the reflections and teachings.
After Care is important
We recommend getting in some salt water or have a magnesium salt bath, quiet time to come back to self and your energy, journal what emotions came up, tuning into Inner Child Work to regulate the system. I have decided to give people the option of having a 1:1 Tantric Life Coaching session with me before and after the Temple, to help set intentions and to be held in integration of current themes from your experience.
What a Tantric Temple Night IS:
- A safe place to explore sexuality in various expressions
- A practice of remaining connected to your needs, boundaries and desires so much so that you can advocate for yourself as your opening to connecting with others in the realm of conscious sensuality.
- A safe space for emotions that generally come up with sexuality, love and relationships to arise (feelings of fear, guilt, shame worry etc.)
- Holding that space for where you can be in your authentic flow when it comes to sensuality and sexuality
- A safe space for Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and open-relating
- Where monogamist couples can enjoy being in a spiritual environment that is celebrating sacred sensuality – you don’t have to interact with others, or you can with consent!
- You can come as a single and meet new heart-centred connections!
What Tantric Temple Night ISN’T:
- A compulsory orgy
- Negating yourself and people pleasing
How do you best prepare?
- Get very clear on your intentions
- Contact myself or Simon beforehand to get clear on your intention and self-regulation for if/when challenges arise. This also allows us to get informed about how we run the night to help meet your needs.
- Shower, brush teeth, be aware of long nails
- Wear things that make you feel sensual and feel good for you
- Receive a Sexual Health Check through Stigma Health prior. Here is a link to do so.
Here are our recommendations for receiving regular Sexual Health Checks:
- If you have multiple partners or your partner has multiple partners
- Two weeks after each change of partner
- Every 6 months
At Temple, some people may want to see your results and we encourage that – the more you know the more you know and can make empowered decisions!
DO’s
Come into the space with an open mind free of expectation of what it should look like “success look like I stayed true and connected.”
DON’T’s
- Walking into the night thinking that you need to be sexual
- Don’t rush into things
- Don’t withhold your no, or supress your insecurity or jealousy – all feelings are welcome!
If its not a full-body YES, hit pause and say “I’m not quite sure yet.”
Why do people go to temple?
- To help keep intimacy playful in pre-existing relationships
- Bring sexual variety for a couple – gifting a diversity of experiences
- Enjoying the opportunity for big group energy which can heighten sexual intimacy
- Use it as container for personal development for singles and couples, especially to highlight relational patterns that can only be brought up in a social environment
Should I go with my friends?
YES! We recommend IT! It can be fun especially with the opposite gender or a bestie!
How do I approach the conversation of wanting to attend a Tantric Temple Night to my partner?
I suggest with non-violent communication, compassion and stating your authentic truth or if that scares you, you could book in a couple’s session with me to assist!
For example, here’s how I might start the conversation: “Hey babe I’m noticing feeling excited by the notion of a temple because I have a desire to explore our connection deeper and I’m wondering if this is something you’re open to?”
A little bit about my own experience
For me, the world of Tantric Temples all began a couple of years back, when a polyamorous partner I had at the time introduced me to the wonderful world of Temple Nights after going to a series of play parties. My first experience of a Temple Night was at a Tantra festival called “Taste of Love” held in Byron Bay, Australia. At first, I felt safe, and liberated in the Temple space as I went with a partner who I trusted and who I had great communication with. Due to this, I felt confident going into that space, with (of course) a bucket load of curiosity!
My first experience was a massive initiation into the art of explorative touch and play with other human beings who were open to a similar experiences and because of this I felt it incredibly easy to connect with others.
However, some lessons I learnt from my own personal experience is to stay true to your boundaries, remembering it is okay to need what you need to feel safe even if that person you are connecting with doesn’t have the same needs.
During one of my Temple experiences at the festival I was faced with the classic and time old feeling of having guilt for my desires. The deep notion of trying to people please stirred within me and I mean, don’t we all battle with that feeling as human beings sometimes? However, it is within that feeling we are encouraged to listen to the deeper body as it speaks more than the mind likes to override. In these times of egoic mind boggle, I like to close my eyes, breathe in and ask myself “In this moment do I need to honour myself or the other person first and is this coming from a conscious choice? What is it that the union truly needs in this moment for its highest evolution and how can I give it that?”. By asking yourself these questions you provide space for your inner world to connect deeper into what it is that will be in service of your highest good.
With all that in mind, as well as my background, love for Temple Nights and the reflection they bring for deep inner healing, you can start to understand why I’m so passionate about providing opportunities for more people to connect deeper into these spaces of inner play and wisdom. These types of Temples gift us the invitation to take radical responsibility for all that is unconsciously ours.
I hope this blog has answered some of those burning questions and brings clarity of what Tantric Temple Nights are and their divine purpose in our sacred connection with ourselves, our lovers and community. And although this blog has shared a lot of the magic around Temple Nights, the best way to fully know what it is about is to have your own somatic understanding created through lived, empowered experiences.
Give yourself permission to pleasure
If you are noticing excitement within you to attend this event, I invite you to follow the calling and join our next monthly Tantric Temple Night. However, if fear is still coming up, know that that is safe and valid. If it’s something you still would like to attend despite the fear, I offer 1:1 mentoring for pre-Temple and post-Temple. You can feel safe to be held in your unique and authentic experience.
For more information about Tantric Temple Nights and to book in your FREE 30 min Discovery Call, click in the link below!
Big love, Nadia
